Things aren't always as they seem
by Eboni Black
Summary: Rating is for caution only. Syaoran is gone, what will Saku do? And what has happened to make her so upset? Warnings: Self-mutilation, and language RR! I'm working on the next chapter as we speak, just bear with me!


Disclaimer: I don't own! I am just torturing these poor characters that have the unfortunate experience of me loving them... heh heh! 

Warnings: Self-mutilation, Language and if I put up a sequel, lemon

Here's we go!

__

'I feel pain. I bleed. If I feel these things... Why do I feel so empty inside?'

Sakura's thoughts

(Prologue)

To the everyday eye, Kinomoto Sakura looked like the average everyday High School Senior. 18 years old, Auburn hair that went to her mid-back, Emerald eyes, and a body to die for. To everyone else she was flawless. But Kinomoto Sakura, like any other high school student, had secrets, two to be exact. One she could never tell and another that drove her to shame to hide behind sweatshirts, turtlenecks, anything that would cover her arms.

(If you saw the series, don't read this.)

The first secret was a crazy one she knew, and realized very early that people would sooner throw you in the Loony Bin than believe it. She was a card captor, controller of the Clow Cards and Mistress of the Clow. Through the journey in obtaining the cards she had her best friend Tomoyo to guide her. There was also the magical boy from Hong Kong, Li Syaoran. They were not what most people would call tolerable towards each other. But soon, hate grew to friendship, and eventually friendship grew to love.

(Those who saw the series, start reading here)

Then there was her second secret, one in which nobody knew. After the Final Judgment, something terrible had happened, tearing Sakura apart. She then decided that she should as she feels and from then on painted her skin with scars. (She's a cutter in short)

(Present time)

"Damn it all." Sakura muttered to herself on her way home from another day of school.

"Hey! Hey, Saku! Wait up!" Her best friend Tomoyo yelled. Sakura looked back at her and stopped, signaling Tomoyo to speed up. Tomoyo came to halt beside her friend, amethyst eyes shining, dark hair bouncing, "I thought we could walk together."

"Okay, but where's Eriol? Sometimes you guys are literally attached at the hip!" Sakura teased, while a pang of jealousy shot through her.

"Oh... well, he, uh, had to go to soccer practice." Tomoyo whispered knowing her friend's reaction.

"Oh." Was all Sakura said before she started to walk. Soccer was her beloved Syaoran's sport. She knew she should move on, but she just couldn't. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Tomoyo's hand on her arm.

She turned to look into her friend's concerned eyes, "Sakura, are you alright?"

Tears sprung into Sakura's eyes, "No! Tomoyo! I am not alright! I miss him so much! It hurts! It was a long time ago, but it feels as if it just happened yesterday!" Sakura sobbed into her friend's arms. "Everyday that goes by, knowing that I'll never see him again, it's like....It's like I'm dying inside!"

**Flashback***

"Hey! Kaijuu! Mail!" Touya, Sakura's older brother yelled up the stairs. A loud *THUD* and then a muffled 'Ow..' could be heard as Sakura tried to race downstairs. "Sometimes..." Touya sighed.

Sakura was so excited, enough to overlook her brother's childish insult. 'It's a letter from Syao-kun!'

She tore open the letter and read quickly, then again, and again to make sure this was what she was reading.

*LETTER*

__

Respectfully to Kinomoto Sakura, 

We sorrowfully inform you that Li Syaoran, heir to the Li Clan, has deceased. We are unable to disclose to you the circumstances of his death. We do know how much this will affect you and we thought it courteous to inform you of this tragic event.

Our sympathies,

The Li clan elders

"NO... NO!" Sakura sobbed herself to sleep after calling Eriol and Tomoyo, telling them what had happened.

***End Flashback***

Sakura pulled back and looked at her friend, tears still streaming down her face, "I'm sorry...."

"It's fine, Sakura. It's okay to cry, you have no need to worry." 

"I need to be alone, I'll see you at school next week."

"Alright, I'll call you." Tomoyo watched as her friend's receeding back. This whole thing didn't sit right with her. Li's death and something was up with Sakura, it all just wasn't right to her. That was why she had sent Eriol to Hong Kong that day, to see if what the Elders had said was true.

With a final sigh, she headed home.

*Sakura*

She walked into her house, pale and crying. Touya was in college, so she didn't need to worry about him, it was her father.

"Dad! I'm home!" She called into the house. She was greeted by silence. She sighed, she wouldn't have to act sick this time.

She climbed to steps to her bathroom, shutting the door. She pulled her knife from the corner basket under the magazines. She sliced the flesh above her wrist, just below the pulse point. Not enough to kill, but enough to scar.

She tilted her arm and watched in fascination as the blood dripped of her fingertips. After being satisfied with the rush the first cut she sliced away at the flesh on her arm, weaving scars into her once beautiful skin.

*tomoyo*

She entered her home and nearly screamed. Eriol was there lounging on her sofa, acting as if nothing had happened.

"Tomoyo my dear, how are you?" Eriol asked in a smooth voice.

"Don't DO that!" Tomoyo grabbed her chest as if it hurt, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Tomo, dear, you're 18, do you really think you'll have a heart attack?"

"Oh! Whatever, tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know damn well what! And what're you smiling about?"

"I have great reason to smile, as should you..." He paused for affect, "And Sakura."

Tomoyo's eyes went wide, "You mean?"

"Yes, I mean Syaoran is alive... I talked to him" Eriol frowned, "He was upset. He asked how Sakura was and why she had stopped writing to him."

"You mean that?"

"The Li Elders were behind this whole thing."

"Those BASTARDS!"

"And there's more... Syaoran unleashed his wrath upon the Elders when I told him that we go the letter saying he was dead. And...." Eriol smirked, "He's here."

"He's WHAT?!!" After Tomoyo's yell, Li Syaoran himself walked into the room. Tomoyo was speechless.

"Tomoyo-chan." Syaoran acknowledged.

"Syaoran!!" Tomoyo forgot formality and hugged Syaoran with all her might, "Saku with be SO happy!"

"Speaking of which, when can I see her?" Syaoran asked urgently.

"Oh no! Eriol...." Tomoyo looked around, wide-eyed. (Tomoyo is an Empath in this)

"Don't tell me..."

"Sakura, she feels like she wants to end it. OH MY GOD! I should have seen it earlier!" She bolted out the door, not caring that it was raining.

Everyone followed Tomoyo out the door with such urgency, the streetlights seemed to eagerly light their way.

*Sakura*

'It has to end. I can't take it! It hurts too much! And maybe, I'll see Syaoran wherever I go..' Sakura smiled at the thought.

She vigorously slice her wrists with the already blood-soaked knife. She laid back and closed her eyes, awaiting the end. Tears started to pour down her cheeks. 

She eventually heard banging on her front door, she knew it was Tomoyo, she had blatantly broadcasted the pain she felt and what she was planning on doing, just so Tomoyo would understand. 'Sorry, Tomo, I gotta do this.'

She started to sob uncontrollably, "Syaoran, I miss you so much! WHY did you leave me!?" She screamed into the small space. 

*Tomoyo*

"No! Sakura! We have to get in there!" Tomoyo turned and screamed at Syaoran and Eriol.

"Damnit Sakura!" Eriol hissed as he tried to unlock the door, she had put up a shield.

"No!" Syaoran whispered, he'd just got her back, he wasn't going to lose her again. Just as he had thought that, the shield faltered. "She's either changed her mind, or she's extremely weak." Syaoran took his chance and broke down the door.

*Saku*

She heard the door break, she knew it would happen. Eventually she wouldn't have enough energy to keep it up, and she knew it would fail. She just had hoped that when that happened she was beyond help. 'Damn.. It didn't stay as long as I needed. I need to block off this door...' 

That's when she heard it, that masculine voice that she had longed to hear for years. She refused to believe it, it was just her mind trying to trick her. 

"No... no! You're dead! Get away from me!" She screamed at the door. Before she could do anything, it burst open, and there stood the figure that haunted her dreams and thoughts.

"Sakura..." Syaoran whispered, looking at her.

"NO! You're not real! You're dead! Get the hell away from me! Leave me alone! You're dead..." She whispered over and over. She stood and backed into the wall, trying to put distance between her and the figure.

"Sakura-"

"NO! Damn you! You left me! You died! You left! Enough is enough! I can't take it anymore, everyday, not seeing you, knowing that I never will..." She faltered, "I can't do it! I'd rather die!"

She was losing energy and fast, Syaoran knew. But he was so taken aback by her words. He didn't know what to do. And then she faltered, and collapsed, he easily caught her.

She felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her, she looked up, Emerald met Amber, "Syaoran...?" 

Syaoran gave a firm nod, "We need to get you help. You're bleeding to death!" He took off his shirt and ripped it. He carried her over to the sink and washed the blood away and then firmly wrapped the wounds.

He then took time to look at her, her arms, "My god!" They were scarred everywhere, some designs, others vicious cuts. "Oh.. Sakura... I'm so sorry!" And for the first time in a great while, he wept. 

Sakura looked up at her beloved, "Syaoran... I- Aishiteru my Little Wolf..." 

"Aishiteru my beloved Ying Fa, aishiteru." Sakura reached up and kissed him softly on the lips, before falling back, and into a deep sleep.

That's it! How was it? Like? Hate? Read and review! I'll be waiting, and also, do you want me to put up a sequel or something? let me kno! 

-Ebony Black


End file.
